Awakening; what that means for me in 2019

This year has been a roller coaster ride of ups and downs. My new normal has settled in but things have not been the same since my depression 3 years ago. I am no longer depressed, or should I say, I have been coming out the other side for the last year but things are very different for me as I navigate my world again.

3 years ago a perfect storm of many painful events came into my life including health issues, loss of some mobility and the loss of a brother were just a few of many others that seem to come all together in a few short months of each other. At the end of it all, I found myself depressed. It took me months of sitting around watching TV for hours, isolating myself and gaining 40 lbs before I started to come up for air and realize it. I was completely numb.

Slowly over the last two years I have brought myself to a new place where I finally feel hope some days about my future again. I even feel joy and peace at times again, two things that had eluded me.

Retrospectively I now have come to understand why this happened and as I process these past three years I realize that without that perfect storm of events I would have not broken open as Elizabeth Lesser speaks about “If we do not suffer a loss all the way to the end, it will wait for us. It won’t just dissipate and disappear. Rather, it will fester, and we will experience its sorrow later, in stranger forms.” 
― Elizabeth Lesser, Broken Open: How Difficult Times Can Help Us Grow

I have spent most of my years understanding and processing my childhood; to make sense of it, forgive and let it go. For the most part I had done an amazing job and up until the perfect storm  I was at a wonderful place in my life. As  I recently wrote this to my spiritual director  “Or at least  I had healed to a deep enough layer to hang peacefully out in for a while. It really was blissfully delicious.” 

In resent months with the help of my spiritual director I have come to understand finally what that time in my life was about.  She recommended  two books. I have had a handful of books (sorry for the cliché) that “have changed my life” and these both have done just that. The first one I will talk about today called “Complex PTSD, form Surviving to Thriving” by Pete Walker.

I realize all these years of my healing journey I have been gathering pieces of the puzzle of my life. All that I had uncovered the first 30 years of my adult life was the foundation to help me go deeper into my healing now in a more powerful way. I have found so many pieces yet I had not been able to fit them all together into a complete picture of the real me in the way that I have longed for. The perfect storm was the only way I was going to be able to be broken open enough to go deeper. This book helped me understand my childhood wounds that made all the other work I have done healing finely make sense. The full picture of what growing up in the first 7 years of my life  with a violent father can do to the psyche and how it creates a life time of complex PTST.  As Fr. Richard Rohr says  “If the pain of your story is not transformed it will be transmitted”  I have transmitted a lot of pain onto myself especially since my depression.

I finally have embraced self- compassion again after these three years of struggling because I could not understand why I was here after all the work I had done.

2019 I want to be the year of self-compassion and awareness. To gently move into my life again with more honesty with myself and others.  Waking up is not easy, but I have dedicated my life to this endeavour.

As Michael Singer in his book ‘The Untethered Soul says ” So there are two ways you can live: you can devote your life to staying in your comfort zone, or you can work on your freedom.”

My journey has been about uncovering freedom, I have had slivers of time when I felt its embrace. I had simply become too comfortable in the last layer of healing I had found. Life’s challenges give us an opportunity for growth. It just took me a while to remember this once again.

This picture was given to me by a friend who says it reminded her of me.  This coming year I want to bring that part out more and embrace my life with more freedom. I see in her the carefree little girl that I was never allowed to be.  The beautiful little red head that is full of life!

Get Ready For The Thank You Dance!

Movement – what it has come to mean in my life.

boudercove scarf dancing (2)After I published my last blog, I have to admit, I had a lousy week. Instead of feeling relieved, I panicked and well… ate.  Ate (what I now call) my emotion dulling foods.  I indulged in this for a few days and now I’m over it.  The greatest gift I give myself these days is understanding and self-forgiveness.  Now, on with my journey.

In the last few months, I have become fascinated and curious about this word, “movement”. Here is one definition: “an act of changing location or position”.  After a lifetime of taking this for granted, I’ve realized how much this word has come to mean for me.  After my knee injury, I was stagnant and sat around for months on end.  Of course, I did my daily chores but I spent way more time sitting or lying down than standing or moving my body in any way.  We’ve all heard the studies indicating that “sitting is the new smoking”.

All that being said, I have come to intuitively know that it’s much more than that for me and, I suspect, for some others. Lack of body movement has dulled my emotions and my enthusiasm for life; it’s even more effective than over-eating!

So, over the last while, I have begun moving more, both physically and emotionally. I realized, during all that time sitting, how emotionally disconnected I had become – even when I was moving more.  My most important focus is now one thing: health and wellness.  I believe I have always understood it but, as I shared before, I was not utilising the wisdom in my heart much in the past few years, which speaks to me in every moment.

I have made a commitment to move my body several times a day. Because of my health issues (which I will no longer speak of very often because I do not want to give them space in my mind (lol)), I am very limited as to what I can do – which, for the past couple of years, is why I felt sorry for myself and consequently did nothing!  Thus, the reason I have so many more issues today.

I am doing my chair yoga, qi-gong and, most importantly, dancing everyday. I am also doing other exercises as recommended to me by my physiotherapist, but I want my life to have more fun, so dancing, for me, is that FUN!

I have also committed to doing more journaling, so to move my spiritual journey again. I am embracing gratitude everyday and laughing more!  I want to know myself intimately, in a way I have never known.  I am now willing to embrace my fears and doubts with curiosity and look forward to landing in a new and deeper place of knowing.

Everyday is about moving again, in anyway that I can. It’s time to feel deep emotions which, yes, is very vulnerable for me at times but it’s the only way out of this cage I have bound myself in.  It’s time to change locations in my body – from living mostly in my mind, to living in my heart.

Here is to a new and an incredible adventure in the New Year. I wish you all a glorious and happy New Year that is filled with all kinds of positive life-giving movements!!

 

 

 

Embracing Vulnerability. I no longer want to just settle for the booby prize.

Businesswoman shouting her victory to the world

“Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”― Howard Thurman

 

 

 

 

 

At 56 years old, I’ve accumulated an abundance of knowledge.  I have spent the better part of my adult life being, what I would call, “a seeker”.  I have always been curious about life – all sides of it.  Life is a contrasting mixture of pleasure and pain.  We are not able to truly feel joy without feeling pain.  To deny one, is to deny the other.  Meaning can only be found through accepting “what is”; then feeling the feelings and emotions, allowing them to flow through us.  Only after allowing the pain, can we find the adaptive ability to create new visions which enable us to create and have more joy and creativity along the way.

 When I don’t allow my pain to surface, it becomes stuck inside my body and surfaces in various destructive ways.  For me, one of those ways is self-destructive eating.  I have to remind myself of this over and over.  Like so many, my default of compulsive eating came from a survival instinct at a very young age, to resist or deny pain of any kind – physical or emotional.  I learned to shove it away, so not to be perceived as weak (or what I thought as weak) by others.  I learned quickly that being stoic was greatly valued by my family.  I was often accused of being “too sensitive”.  When I was really young I learned not to talk about my pain or show my emotions.  Vulnerability of any kind was not acceptable.  I still wrestle with this beast even now, from time to time, though I know better.  I have known for many years that these stoic values are not true strength.  I was simply unwilling to open up to this truth in myself.

 Jung says, “What you resist not only persists, but will grow in size”.

 It is a paradoxical quandary,

 “Unexpressed emotions tend to stay in the body like small ticking bombs—they are illnesses in incubation”, Marilyn Van Derbur.

 Coming from a difficult childhood I never wanted to be a victim of; in my early twenties I set out on a journey of understanding.  I was not afraid to ask the hard questions of myself or others, when it really counted.  I am afraid of many other things but not that.  I have always been curious about humanity in general and how we end up thinking and doing the things we do.

 I consider myself spiritual, although, sometimes I lose sight of Spirit.  However, no matter how far I’ve ever felt from Spirit, I always knew it was there, waiting for me.  I would eventually manage to find that stillness and land in that space of clarity, in the depth of my soul.  This sustained me for many years.

 Through the years, I kept reading and learning.  Taking course after course, I became certified as an Integrative Shadow Life Coach and, for the most part, I thought I had figured out who I was.  I was not particularly what society would call “successful”, neither in my career nor my health (especially with weight issues), even though I had learned from some of the best spiritual teachers on the planet.  None the less, I felt somewhat content in my life.  I always felt one of my greatest gifts was empathy and I enjoyed helping others find their own light in the world.  Little did I know, it can also be a powerful way for us to keep from looking inward at our own truth. Crisis has a way of holding a mirror unlike anything else.

 Then, in July 2014, we had a hurricane.  What a wonderful metaphor for my life that has turned out to be.  During that time of no electricity for 96 hours, something happened that sent my world into a whirlwind. While running from the barn to the house in the rain I slipped and fell on my wet deck and my then body of 245 pounds came crashing down onto my knees, injuring one of them to the point of extreme swelling and temporary debilitation.  Fortunately, the pain and swelling only lasted a couple of weeks, however, a month  later, while walking on the beach, the swelling returned, this time worse than the first.  From that time forward, my knees continued to cause me intense pain and, at times over the next two years, were bad enough that I had to rely on crutches or canes.  After many physiotherapy sessions and chiropractor visits (for a painful spine from my large body being so out of alignment from limping so much), I became bitter and somewhat reclusive.  Oh, I put an outward positive spin on things because I was very good at that game for a while – I was raised that way, after all, and I reinforced that mask with all the knowledge I had accumulated over the years.  I had to walk the talk, right?

 Much to my frustration, I felt more and more helpless and steadily grew angrier toward my condition.  I hated feeling like a victim; that’s what I thought vulnerability was.  Mostly angry at myself for the weight I still carried, for knowing all this knowledge and living only part time in what I was teaching others to do full time. I discovered just how much out of integrity I truly have been throughout most of my adult life.  It’s so strange, the illusions we can create to keep ourselves unseen.  I spent most of my life warning others about what would happen with their health if they lived a life that was unauthentic but, really, all that time the lesson was mine to hear.

 I constantly see examples of this in service careers; men and, more often, women suffering from exhaustion and stress related illnesses.  People who both care for others and teach them how to take better care of themselves, behind closed doors beat themselves up either consciously or unconsciously and secretly carry out their own destructive habits.  Do you ever wonder what you truly believe about yourself?  I was taught: “Just look at how you show up to yourself when no one is looking.  Listen to the thoughts you have about yourself.”

 This winter of 2017 I realized that for a couple of years now, I had been just barely moving – literally and emotionally -, each day for over a year.  I hated who I was becoming.  I could no longer play the game very well and became that person who I did not like. The person you want to walk away from who is constantly complaining about their body ailments. Last year, I had gained an additional 40 pounds and suffered in a mild to moderate depression through the summer of 2016.  My health had continued to decline.  I could write an entire chapter on what is going wrong in my body but that is not the point of this blog.  I knew something had to change.  Little by little, I began to listen to my own inner voice more often, once again.  I am now very slowly coming back to life, even with all the body issues, and I realise that, maybe for the first time, I have not truly been living authentically most of my life. I have only settled for a mediocre life.  I have carried a vision of who I would love to be and even managed, at times, to uncover her and live in that passionate place – but only for so long before I reverted to that false frightened self.  One can possess all the knowledge in the world but without the wisdom of self-care and self-love in action, it doesn’t mean a damn thing.  If I’m not willing to do the daily practices that enhance my life and health, I am only talking a talk.  I’m regurgitating knowledge.  My mentor, Debbie Ford, used to say that “knowledge is the booby prize” and I have come to understand that I have only settled for the booby prize for most of my life.

 I really did not want to admit that I have been way too afraid to really own all of who I am.  I have come to discover things about myself which very few people get to see.  Who I am underneath the fear is someone with an insatiable appetite for learning new things and seeking new adventures!  I am a spiritual, wild, passionate, whimsical and intuitive woman who is a mystic in the modern world.  I am someone who needs lots of alone time to maintain my health and wellness.  I love to move my body with dance, qi-gong and yoga!  I love walking barefoot in the grass and spending time at the beach just listening to the waves.  I love to laugh and play and I don’t do this nearly enough!   I love to write and I desire to create more in my life!  I am an introvert, not the extrovert that I have tried to convince myself and others of all these years.  I have been too busy trying to help others to protect and care for myself.  I know that I am very sensitive.  Oh, how I have hated to own or to be called sensitive.  Society teaches us that it is wrong or that it’s a weakness and yet it is the most beautiful part of me that I am still learning to embrace.  I am a woman who is deeply affected by the energy of others and by what I see on TV or read on social media.  I am an Empath.

 I can be rude, uncaring and disconnected, as well.  More often, when I am those darker things I am usually feeling overwhelmed and unprotected, so I lash out at others.  All these things, I am learning to love more – the dark, as well as the light.  As my teacher once told us, “there is gold in the dark”.  That is what true self-love is. I have accumulated a lot of knowledge from reading books, listening to many wonderful spiritual teachers in my training and throughout my life, but in reality, I did not consistently do the daily self-care practices.  Especially we need to do our daily practices when we are in crisis for this is when we gain the wisdom of knowledge in our bones that eventually brings us back to joy.

 This blog is the beginning of a new book, not a new chapter for me . I began last year with Brené Brown’s course, “LIVING BRAVE SEMESTER™”, learning to open up more with my heart and not my head.  I learned from Brené that vulnerability is beautiful and a sign of strength. I want to move forward in a new and intentional way that is radically different in some ways, the same in other ways, but healthier and truer to my heart.   The way I can finally take that long journey from the knowledge in my mind to the wisdom of my heart, using knowledge as only a tool, to become authentically me.  I want to open up and land in this, vulnerable place in my heart.

 “Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.” – Brené Brown

 “Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path.” -Brené Brown

 I then took a course online at Amen University called : “The Brain Warrior’s Way”. I learned from Dr. Daniel and Tana Amen just what all these years of obesity and destructive over eating was doing to my brain and therefore my thoughts. What a wakeup call!  Again even after all the years of accumulated knowledge of healthy eating I had learned over 30 years I was still not implementing on a consistent basis because I had not brought it into my heart. Only from the heart  can I give myself permission to love myself enough to let go of my weight and trust that I could live in my body with strength through vulnerability. Healthy eating is only accessible on a consistent basis if we integrate it into our hearts and truly believe we are worthy.   Thank you Tana for all your words of encouragement. Our mind is only as good as our daily practices. Without diligent healthy practices our negative thoughts can take over our lives.

“Don’t believe everything you hear—even in your own mind.” -Dr Daniel G Amen

“My mind is a neighborhood I try not to go into alone.”- Anne Lamont

Over the next while, I will be writing about this journey here in my blog.  Join me, if you like.  It’s going to be a hell of a ride and I am ready!  I want to be more fully alive! 

“I don’t believe people are looking for the meaning of life as much as they are looking for the experience of being alive.” – Joseph Campbell

 

 

 

 

 

Divide and Conquer. Which wolf will you feed?

I am just as afraid as anyone about what is going on in our world. My heart is shaken, my love and compassion for the people who are living in the midst of this madness is immeasurable, as so many of you share.  Love and prayers from millions continue to be sent around our planet for it is a world crisis. Yes I am scared.

But I am more afraid of what this is doing to normally beautiful, caring and compassionate people around the world, especially on social media. Each time I see a post that is shared that is obliviously painfully racist or anti-anyone, my heart is more shaken. This is escalating the violence, everyday someone is being assaulted because of this hate we are perpetuating against each other that is being driven by the media including social media. Each time an innocent person is hurt the “enemy” wins.

For thousands of years the best war time strategy has been divide and conquer. Social media is doing exactly what the “enemy” wants us to do.  Transform fear into division. Each time we click “share” on one of these posts it creates a back lash of angry comments of both “for” and “against” the post. The fear and anger then heightens and our world gets a little more violent. Our self-righteous selves get to be a little more defensive and more angry. Then the world gets to be  filled with more of our righteous indignation as we “comment” and “click” from the safety of our homes; while each day there are men, women and children who are terrified beyond anything we could understand at this point who are the silent victims of this collective rage that is brewing.

Instead lets refuse to be a part of the propaganda, lets choose to only post love and compassion for others.  Let us refuse to comment our anger and simply either unfriend or block their posts, take a breath…. release our anger (trust me I have to work on this diligently ) and send light and love to them.  If you still believe something to be true if it is cloaked with hate or division PLEASE do not re- post.

I am constantly asking myself “Will this add to the violence or will this possibly helps even one person shift towards a more loving, compassionate state of being.”  Hate breeds more hate.  We are human and when we are frightened it is easy to hate, but that is not what our world needs right now.

Its time we all RISE UP with our hearts instead of our fear.  Social media is part of the microcosm that is creating the macrocosm of hate in our world. If we want change we must be the change no matter how much we are afraid.

Choosing not to share “hate” one post at a time can be that change. Please let us check in with our hearts before we click “share” or comment in rage or anger. Let feed our love and compassion. Each time we do.. love rises just a little and hate dissipates in our world. Gandhi, Mandela, Mother Teresa and Martin Luther understood this on a soul level. Lets let their example be where we start.

Mother Teresa Quote’s “If you judge people, you have no time to love them. “Kind words can be short and easy to speak, but their echoes are truly endless. If we have no peace, it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.”

I will end with a story I first heard from my mentor and teacher Debbie Ford

ONE EVENING, AN ELDERLY
CHEROKEE BRAVE TOLD HIS
GRANDSON ABOUT A BATTLE THAT
GOES ON INSIDE PEOPLE.

HE SAID “MY SON, THE BATTLE IS
BETWEEN TWO ‘WOLVES’ INSIDE US ALL.
ONE IS EVIL. IT IS ANGER,
ENVY, JEALOUSY, SORROW,
REGRET, GREED, ARROGANCE,
SELF-PITY, GUILT, RESENTMENT,
INFERIORITY, LIES, FALSE PRIDE,
SUPERIORITY, AND EGO.

THE OTHER IS GOOD.
IT IS JOY, PEACE LOVE, HOPE SERENITY,
HUMILITY, KINDNESS, BENEVOLENCE,
EMPATHY, GENEROSITY,
TRUTH, COMPASSION AND FAITH.”

THE GRANDSON THOUGH ABOUT
IT FOR A MINUTE AND THEN ASKED
HIS GRANDFATHER:

“WHICH WOLF WINS?…”
THE OLD CHEROKEE SIMPLY REPLIED,
“THE ONE THAT YOU FEED”

The_Light_in_Me

96 hours without power, what would our ancestors say?

The last 96 hours without power left me with plenty of time to reflect.  I do have a generator so I certainly did not go without water or power to my fridge and freezer like so many.  It became very tiring though to lug the heavy gasoline jugs to and from the gas stations and there was the fumes, ohhh those gas fumes that give me such painful sinus headaches.  It was very hard planning ahead to leave for town because I had to make sure the generator had run for a few hours before and then run home as soon as possible to start it again.  And of course I had to bring my laundry into the Laundromat.  As I sat and lamented one evening at all the inconveniences I was experiencing I could not help but think of our ancestors.

Who only a few decades ago did not even know what electricity was, and even after it was invented most could not afford such a luxury.  I thought of the women who lugged heavy buckets of water from the wells and filled up bath tubs for the whole family to wash in.  How they would lug water, heat it on the stove to hand wash all the clothes! They certainly whore the same clothes more than once!  How the whole family ran to the outhouse and would think it such a waste to use so much water to flush a toilet.  How they would have to cut and store huge chunks of ice in the winter to over summer to keep things cold in the ice box.  How instead of having our meat in the freezer like we do today they had to hunt regularly to keep fresh meat on the table and learn to pickle and salt the rest to preserve for the winter.

I am sure if their spirits could communicate with us they would simply shake their heads in disbelief at how we have become so over privileged that we get so frustrated by having to live without electricity  for 4 days. I am sure they would say our priorities are way off!

I also thought about the future generations and my prayer is that my great-grandchildren will someday be sitting around a table laughing at this time in history when they had such wasteful ancestors who ran wires all around the world and got frustrated when the wind blew them down!  A time when we used dangerous and toxic fossil fuels and built nuclear power plants to generate electricity in those wires.

“How crazy that generation was” they will say.  That they will have finally let go of the madness and will all have their own wind and solar generated wireless connections to their environmental conscious homes.  They will have learned to eat clean whole foods once again and will live in harmony with each other and with Mother Earth.  They will look back at this time in history as a time of greed and temporary insanity!  To my future great grandchildren please forgive my over privileged life and the crazy legacy my generation left you!

electriscity

 

Explore Dream and Discover!

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor.  Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore, Dream, Discover!”   Mark Twain.

As I wrote this today I am taking in this message little deeper these days. I have chosen a course change in my life that feels really good and now feel that I am ready to allow the trade winds to take me in whatever direction is best.

We often get caught up in the storms of life and get set adrift and our first response is to find a safe harbor.   A safe harbor is important for much needed rest and renewal but like the old proverb says : ”You can’t prevent birds of sorrow from flying overhead but you can stop them from building nests in your hair” No nests here!!

Spring is on the way (yes I know it does not look that way :) ) there is something in the air feels like the earth is getting ready for new growth.  When I feel this stir I know that it is time to set sail and step out of my comfort zone again.

My life is always evolving and changing and for the most part I love the journey.  My soul has always needed to continue to grow and learn.  Fear holds me back at times but I am learning to simply move with the fear and make it my ally.

I started a new journey and feel confident that I am ready for the next evolution of my life.  What is stirring in you? What new journey are you ready for? Don’t allow fear to hold you back, just bring it along! Are you willing to set sail and leave the safety of the harbor? As Mark Twain says maybe it is time to  “Explore, Dream, Discover” once again!

sail boat

Whole fast foods. How to prepare fast whole foods for on the run.

Here on a rainy  windy day is the perfect opportunity to share with you how I prepare foods for those days that I do not have “time” and need to grab something quick.  I have eaten mostly whole home-cooked foods for over 25 years now.  Yes there have been times when I got away from this but all to quickly my health suffers.  It does not take long before I make the switch back and feel so much better as a result.

Over the years I have developed many ways to make life easier on those days that I hardly have time to eat let alone cook. The number one excuse I hear all the time is “I do not have time to prepare whole foods”.  Even though I do not work full-time hours all the time, because of what I do, there are time when I will work 40-60 hours in 3 or 4 days so I have learned to be prepared.

Here is one secret for me that is to do things all at once at least 1 day a week. I begin right after breakfast putting all things in soak that I need for the week.  This week it is walnuts, pumpkin seeds, almonds, chickpeas and black beans.

I soak all nuts and seeds for at least a couple of hours and then rinse with cold water and then put them in a dehydrator get crunchy again.  This is because of the enzymes that coat most nuts and seeds make them really hard to digest for a lot of us.  Soaking them takes that all off and after they are dehydrated again I put them in glass jars in the fridge and voila instant satisfying fast foods that I can add to my instant organic oatmeal or throw a few in a green smoothie that I can drink on the run.

The beans I soak all day and at night before I go to bed I put them in slow-cookers ( I have 2)with a Tbsp of olive oil, salt and pepper and an onion, and in the morning they are done!  I then take 30 min to prepare meals like this week black bean burgers and hummus and freeze in single portions. I also freeze beans or chickpeas alone and find they are wonderful to throw on a salad for some extra protein when I am in a big hurry. My freezer is the key! :)

Also it really helps when I buy groceries to take an extra 15 min to wash all my vegetables, wash and spin dry my lettuce so that everything is ready at a moments notice for preparing.

Each night I take 5 min and prepare 2 quarts of herbal infusions that are packed with more vitamins and minerals then in most over the counter vitamin pills and so I have enough for 2 days.  I drink one quart per day 6 days a week.  Today I prepared Nettle and Oat Straw.

For me all this takes about 1 & 1/2 hours a week as much time as  3 – 30 min television shows to have most of my food prepared for on the run. You can watch TV while you do this if you just cannot miss your shows. :)

This is my counter this morning. I put a frozen black bean burger to thaw right in the frying pan. When it was time for lunch I turned on the stove to heat the burger while I made a salad and when it was finished I put the burger on one slice of whole grain bread with a glass of nettle tea and voila a very nutritious lunch in 5 min.

I believe we are worth the time and our body will love us.  What can you do this week that can incorporate healthier habits into your busy schedule?

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Reinventing and Refocusing my Business!

Interesting day, week, month, summer.  It has been awhile since I last wrote.  I have been revisiting my life a lot and just recently started going to our Local Farmers Market to sell some Natural Skin care products and even a natural ECO friendly cleaner.  I knew after this summer that I had to move more into creating whole change in me.

I was focusing too much on my weight and as predicted I gained more.  :) I have known for many years that  my weight up or down was not the problem.  It finally has started to make sense that I am being guided  to reinvent and refocus my life.  I am even changing the name of my company so it all feels fresh.   Right now my company name is Sacred Sharing and although I love this ( and will remain as the name of the women’s circles) , where I need to go comes from a new direction and one morning on the ground meditating on the sunrise I heard the name very clear.  MYSTIC SUNRISE

Each day as the sun rises we get another chance to reinvent our lives!  The mystery of each new day is powerful! It is pregnant with new and exciting possibilities just waiting to be birthed! I have spent a lot of time the last few years concentrating on one single thing and that was my Integrative Coaching business.  I love coaching and will continue supporting women to  reinvent and refocus their lives! But something was missing,  I was leaving a huge part of me out that I needed to look at first.   I have such a creative side that has been stagnant for too many years and has been blocked by this single focus.  My health issues were all in this area the second chakra of the body.  Creativity is a huge part of being a woman.  We all need to give birth whether it is children or ideas.

The plant world once again brought me back to myself but this summer in a deeply profound way.   I love herbs, I have used them for most of my adult life but in more recent years have begun to study them more actively as well as make my own herbal medicine, salves and skin care products.   I realized at my core I have always tried to live as simply and as ECO friendly as possible.  I have been so out of integrity with this passion of mine for too many years now and it was affecting my health and well being.

MY NEW MISSION STATEMENT FOR MY BUSINESS: To empower and inspire myself and people back to the simplicity of nature.  To continue learning so as to provide the healthiest alternatives to today’s chemical based products.  Educate and teach others about natural and ECO friendly choices.   Together we can create a more sustainable and healthier world for the next generation.

Mystic Sunrise; here is to new beginnings!  It is never too late to reinvent ourlives!  What do you need to give birth to?  Today is a great day to begin!

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The privilege of being who we really are. A fresh new Perspective.

Very powerful summer, lots of ah ha moments!  Our sons and their families were in our home this summer for a week, all 12 of us including 7 grandchildren.  There is no better mirror to see yourself through than your family.  I saw some things that I did not like, mostly beautiful things I loved and all of these gave me another opportunity to grow and understand them and myself.  They both are amazing men, who have grown and chosen perfect partners that help them grow more every day.  What a privilege to have a family willing, honest and open enough to go to the deeper places to grow where most people are afraid of.  It is not always easy for the most part but it is the path we have all chosen.  What a privilege and honor to be a part of this family.

This summer also revealed more shadows with my body. There is a place in me so resistant to letting go of my weight.  As I return once again inward I found a fresh new perspective to carry me through the next phases of my life.  Mary O’Malley has this wonderful quote that I have been meditating on this summer “What is in the way is the way”.   So I have changed my perspective once again to something fresh that allows me to turn towards my food addiction and begin to let it show me the way.  I stopped the resistance and as I turn back and face it with curiosity and compassion, slowly once again a new path of discovery is being revealed.

One of my greatest “ah ha” moments this summer was one particular day when I was totally in pure bliss (for no reason other than being alive) I realized that this feeling I had had before a couple summers ago when I had spent the summer gathering plants and making infused oils, tinctures and medicinal herbs for tea.  On that day I realized that I had spent allot of time again this summer doing the same thing and  this is one of my passions I don’t  allow myself enough and is truly part of who I am.  When I do more things that light me up they balance out the challenges and struggles so that I feel more present to everything and everyone including the challenges.

Finding joy even amidst the ebb and flow of life often comes from doing the things that light us up and fill us with joy, things that bring us back to ourselves, you know…. who we really are.  We often get caught up in struggles and forget who we really are and what we already know.  I love this time in my life and the struggles ARE the way, they are here to show me the way back home to myself.  “The privilege of a life time is being who you really are” Joseph Campbell.  THIS PRIVILEGE IS A CHOICE I WANT TO MAKE MORE OFTEN.  What lights you up that you are not doing enough?

 

Summer Hiatus

Summer is here and I have not written in a while in my blog,  Just letting you know that I am only taking a summer hiatus but as always lots of opportunities are happening for evolutionary growth!  I am excited to share them with you the wonderful insights that are coming through and will connect with you again in August!! Enjoy your summer!

 

paul gillian 006