Archive for May, 2010

We can be our Own Best Friend

Last week I realized I had drifted away from the routine and structure of my days.  There is a real joy working from home but it does come with challenges.  My husband spends a couple of months away at work and this leaves me with time on my hands that would normally be filled with his company.  As a result I find myself floating when he first leaves.  I am conflicted with the excitement of some alone time again and missing him.  So I tend to eat and watch more TV than I like and fall away from exercising regularly.  Because I have come to know my patterns, I then realized that I need to put in structure again and create accountability by reaching out to friends. All these help bring me back to productive days that are much more balanced.

It was a wonderful gift I discovered in being my own best friend. Through journaling and the stillness of prayer and meditation I have come to know and except my inconsistencies and my neurosis as part of who I am.  Just as I would with my close friends I gently remind myself without beating myself up to find a way back to my authentic self.  Because I have spent the time healing and understanding me I now make those adjustments and fall back into those things that nourish my body and soul once again.   I make sure they are structured in everyday when ever possible.  Then every part of my life becomes in balance once again.  I stay present to my day and find I am so much more productive and energized!

These are some of my favorite things to do. Being still in prayer, going out doors early mornings and doing Qigong barefoot.  Walking in mother nature and let her teach me patients and kindness with metaphors, stretching my body with yoga and eating nourishing food!  Going in my hothouse and tending my plants. Listening to my body! I have lunch with friends and every now in then I create a beautiful ritual eating a meal alone with fresh flowers and setting the table with my favourite dishes!  Even cooking meals for myself can take on a sacred and holy feel. 

These things remind me once again that because the Dvine is in us and all around us that we have all the love we will ever need inside. We can be our own best friend by taking good care of ourselves and only when we learn this lesson are we truely capable of loving, giving and supporting others with great joy and balance!

“Perfection is God’s business”

“I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is God’s business.”  Michael J. Fox

 Perfectionism is overrated lets not forget impossible!  Funny how even though we understand this to be true intellectually we often find ourselves in this bid to be perfect.  As if somehow if we can’t “do” and “be” perfect we are somehow flawed.   

This has been a strange week for me; I have times like this where I go down what I refer to as “the rabbit hole”.  You know the feeling when all of a sudden (or not so sudden) we find ourselves in a dark lost place.  When I first arrive here I often struggle with not being perfect somehow,  my ego will struggle and tell me that I should not be here again.  Only after I surrender that notion I become familiar and even Ok with this place.  Somewhere in my heart I have learned that no matter what is going on emotionally that there is a wee still quiet place that exists no matter what I am feeling.   In this internal space I am infinitely connected to God and have all that I need.   

I spend less and less time in this rabbit hole these days, and for the most part I don’t fall to far down before (with divine guidance) I pull myself out once again into the light.  I have come to know that these times when I feel out of sorts are opportunities to check in and see what it is that I need. I can fall into old patterns and know when I do that they are only a sign post that directs me inward. 

 Understanding and even embracing all of whom I am, my dark and my light is a constant journey of discovery.  A journey that is one of the greatest gifts I have ever given myself.

“Let us remember that within us there is a palace of immense magnificence”  Teresa of Avila

picture by Debbie Roberts

picture by Debbie Roberts

The Wisdom of our Bodies

  On Debbie Ford has a 6 Week Breakthrough Plan people can sign up for free.

The first week is “Food/Body Image”.  This is an area in my life that comes with great healing and on going life lessons.

My food addiction for most of my life was my “enemy” until I uncovered the gold in this addiction through shadow work. My gold was the capacity to survive a very volatile early childhood. Eating was a way that I could escape the pain and still go through day to day coping with what seem to me as a crazy mixture of love and violence from my dad.  One of my core Shadows beliefs born from my childhood was the world was not safe.  My overeating was a way to suppress this Shadow. Later on as an adult with a lot of mistrust and rage crammed inside I ballooned up over 310lbs.

Thankfully my gold was that food enabled me to numb the rage. In doing so it kept me from projecting alot of pain onto others until I finally was able to unravel, process and release it.  My inner child never felt safe so this sweet aspect of myself found a way to survive through food.   Now I am learning to feel safe in this world as I learn to love and listen to my deepest feelings. .

I have come to love my body more each day and enjoy being in it. This sounds funny in away but for most of my adult life I did not live in my body. Each and every day I am learning to listen to my body. This is new for me, I ignored, made wrong, and abused my beautiful body by stuffing it with way to much food because I needed to!

I find it interesting when I hear people still say “My body let me down”.  I now know it was the other way around.  I realize it is my responsibility to love and care for these vulnerable Shadow aspects of myself so that I can be present to my body and give it the nourishment is deserves.

Our amazing bodies have incredible resilience; we are so divinely made for health and wellness! Compassion and forgiveness for ourselves is the key to unlock the gold! Learn to be still and listen. Our bodies have much to teach us! Our bodies are powerhouses of wisdom and insights. This week the message from my body is “I am your friend, treat me accordingly”.

This after a binge on chips and dip came as a wonderful reminder that I still can fall into my addiction to numbing my stress but I now have the tools to hear what my body has to say! I have lost over 80lbs now, it has been a 4 year journey, one that I still am on and understand more than ever that the answers are inside, the place where a lot of us least like to be.

My inner world has now become my home, yes I still run away from time to time, but I finally have made a permanent path of love, compassion and self-love that lights my way back home to grace.