Archive for April, 2013

Week 2. My Holy Work.

I call the work of releasing my weight Holy work, here I will journal weekly as I embrace a new level of freedom. Outside of my weight, I have managed in the last few years to heal and integrate so much of my past and in almost every other area in my life I feel deliciously content.  In many ways I feel whole and excited and present about most of life.

Today I started the day with siting outside for forty minutes to meditate.  It was cold and a bit windy and my mind kept wondering.  In the last few weeks I have seriously contemplated my health and wellness.  I have had some heath issues come up this winter that  have forced me to look deep inside and past my denial. Denial is always a way to hide our fears, to look away from what is need to be seen most.  Our deepest Fear is not that we are inadequate, our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure” Marianne Williamson. One of my favorite quotes and authors.

Most of my adult life has been an education in healthy eating, I prided myself raising our children on mostly whole nutritious organic food, growing a nice organic garden and green house, mostly herbal medicine yet over the years my weight escalated.  I realize it was a numbing of past traumas, a way to live my life without really looking to deeply inside.  Food was that one place as a child I could translate into feeling safe if only in the illusionary moment.   This was the only comfort that felt stable in my childhood and the nero pathways were ingrained pretty deep by the time I was an adult.

About twenty years ago I read a book by Marc David called “Nourishing Wisdom “that literally changed my entire thoughts about my body and weight issues and although I remained addicted to food after,  I knew from that day forward that being overweight really had nothing to do with food at all.  In his book he says “Psychologically, nourishment is encoded in our genes as the body’s longing for perpetuation of itself through creativity, relationship, community, work, and exchange of ideas. Spiritually nourishment is encoded as our longing for self-realization.”   Marianne Williamson says “A Course in Weight Loss: 21 Spiritual Lessons for Surrendering Your Weight Forever” “Addiction is a spiritual disease”

This is a spiritual journey for me, a journey past my fears, one in which I am dedicating my summer to rereading my four favorite books on this subject.  The best I have ever read and believe at least for me and for some others that the answer lies in a spiritual journey of peeling back the fear and looking at the layers that uncover the gold in the dark; the real reasons that holds us in denial, the truth which comes from being vulnerable, open and honest. These four books are the two I mentioned above and the other two are, “The Gift of Our Compulsions” by Mary O’Malley and lastly “Women, Food and God” by Geneen Roth

The answer lies just beneath the surface and it has been waiting for me now for a while.  The time is now to release and heal my addiction with love, kindness, compassion and patience, not ever through dieting, frustration, sheer determination, and self-deprecation as so much of society is tells us.   This is my Holy Work. If this is your first time here read Week 1 , the beginning of the journal diary.

Week 1.Revealing the Golden Buddha within.

Spring finally is here!  Lately I have been doing more soul searching.  I began to review my life again after my mentor and teacher Debbie Ford died in March.  My work as an Integrative Life Coach is my passion and yet I have kept myself very small in our little town, not really getting out often to market what I do.  Over the years I have managed a very small private practice in coaching, I have an occasional Book Club series and even the odd Day Retreat which I both love; but the power of this work speaks for its self and I have been asking myself many questions lately, one is “why am I still not full time in a career that is my life work?”

Interesting the last time Debbie was on Oprah she shared with Oprah that she had been in denial of her cancer.  As human beings we all live in some kind of denial most of our lives.  This is what Debbie’s life work was to help us including herself to uncover and own our dark and light shadows. Those dark parts of ourselves we deny or hide that keep us small and hidden; the amazing light parts of ourselves that we also deny or think we don’t have that also keeps us from living fully expressed and passionate lives.  Spending the last 6 years of my life both in training to become a Shadow coach and then coaching others I have come to discover just how subtle and not so subtle denial can be.

I know that part of my own denial has been around my weight.  Funny thing even though I still carry 60 – 80 lbs ( depending what time of year it is  :) ) of extra weight on my body I find ways of not dealing with it even though as we all know this is something that I cannot hide from the world.  I profoundly know inside that this has been part of what keeps me from stepping fully into this calling.   For over a year now I have become aware of the need to step fully into what I teach and release this last layer of clay that carries with it the inability to move into the authentic freer life and share this passion in a much larger way.

Debbie’s courage knew no bounds when she was alive and even though she lost her body here on this earth her spirit still guides us onward toward uncovering our golden Buddha. (The story of the golden Buddha is in her book “The Dark Side of the Light Chasers” ) This was Debbie’s legacy for her coaches and for people she knew we would be honored to teach and support to live fully authentic and expressed lives. (The cute YouTube video below tells the story of the Golden Buddha). I love this metaphor

I personally have learned from Shadow work to let go of old rage by allowing anger to filter though and be expressed with love and compassion, I have profoundly changed the way I relate to people including my family and friends, I have come to understand the power of self –love and self –care, I have evolved deeply in my spiritual journey, most importantly I have uncovered deep forgiveness and compassion for my father who inflicted such pain in our family in my childhood and yet my weight still holds a story with a hidden treasure.

Visit me each week as I go treasure hunting as I chip away and release more layers to reveal a new story.  . This is my journey to reveal more of the Golden Buddha within.  Hopefully those of you who see yourself in my story will be inspired to uncover more of your own Golden Buddha.